The Hunt for the Elusive Urinal

A piece of advice for all those people out there planning a trip to a strange land: the four words in the native language of the country you are visiting that are absolutely essential for your survival are: WHERE IS THE BATHROOM? The story behind this great discovery is a tragic one, for my poor bladder had to endure incessant torture and great pain, but, unlike the Greek tragedies of yore, this story has a happy ending where justice prevails, truth triumphs and and an innocent bladder finds a Pissario.
It all began with a visit to Zürich. I was to attend an IAESTE meeting there. I thought I d reach a little earlier than scheduled, walk around and discover the place a bit before the meeting. My bladder, for the past 21 years having experienced a tropical climate was suddenly thrust into the harsh Swiss winter and sub-zero temperatures. It put up a brave fight for about an hour but then it was forced to raise the white flag. I decided to head back to to the Bahnof, which is German for station for all you illiterates, which was sure to have a public restroom. If you have ever wondered what 'searching for a needle in a haystack' means try searching for a measly toilet in a railway station with 54 platforms,an underground mall, and to boot in a country where they speak 4 languages of which not one do you know!
I finally managed to find one, a place called McClean (i think i smell a lawsuit coming). For those of you who think that you have come to the fruitful completion of another pointless story, let me tell you that thats when the fun was just beginning(not for me but for that superior being out there with a sadistic sense of humour, commonly referred to as God). The guy in charge was this old, balding man bulging from everywhere, yes EVERYWHERE, and his two sizes too small track pant and tee weren't helping any. I saw a sign that said,' Toilet- 2CHF'. All i had on me was a 20CHF note which i handed over to the ancient chappie. It was promptly returned and i was directed to a machine. I fed it the 20, only to be given four 5CHF coins in return. I then put in one of the 5CHF coins and the machine spat out five 1CHF coins. The only rational explanation for what i did next must be that my brain was starved for blood as all of it was being directed to the southern regions, in a frantic attempt to keep me from wetting my pants. As i put two of the coins into the slot, I instantly realized my fatal error in judgment because the machine began excreting change, splattering it all over the place, like a woolly mammoth with a severe case of amoebic dysentry!
I somehow manage to survive the onslaught and swore to never put a coin into that possessed machine ever again. Only later, in less trying times did I realize that it was a machine dispensing change! I handed over coins of various denominations summing up to 2CHF to the bemused granddaddy at the counter and requested him to let me use the bathroom. It turned out that his English was as good as my Swahili. Instead of letting me through he starts asking me a bunch of questions which sounded all Greek to me( although i do relent to the voice of reason which tells me it must have been German, what with Zurich being in the German speaking part of Switzerland and all..). All i could do in reply was to stare back at him with a pleading look while simultaneously praying to God (yes, that same aforementioned sadistic, yet omnipotent creature) to end my ordeal. My prayers must have been answered because what followed was indeed a miracle. The old man, now exasperated with the one-way talk suddenly had a moment of brilliance, which far exceeded his mental prowess and single digit IQ. He points to his penis and asks,no wait, shouts,'PEE PEE??!!'. I nod my head in earnest and he guides me in the right direction. The urinal was on the other side and as I scurried towards it I couldn't help but praise the Lord.
If you ever come to Zurich, please do remember that urinals are called Pissarios(not to be confused with Pizzerias which are Italian eateries). I had to pay 1CHF to use the urinal and although it didnt seem like much then, looking back i can't believe i had to pay close to 50 bucks just to take a leak!!

P.S. After many more visits to the urinals at the Zurich station i have come to realize that they are not Pissarios but in fact Pissoirs. Still sound like Italian restaurants to me though.....